Hardly a day goes by without straight men debating what it means to be a man now that women are becoming more powerful and male privilege is being eroded.
Over the past fortnight, some have even whined about the widespread outrage ignited by women who have been sexually exploited finally taking a stand against their oppressors. Well, first of all, they need to get over themselves. But what about gay men and our relationship with our masculinity? Why are we usually left out of the discussion about what it means to be a man?
Because it strikes me that our relationship with our masculinity is much more complicated, intense and potentially troubling. Which is why I commissioned a survey for Attitude magazine about masculinity. Amber Heard was warned not to come out as bisexual.
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We had a real connection, he was just so easy to be around. However, his bisexuality freaked me out at first, even though I had slept with a handful of girls over the years. I would have said I was bi-curious. What made me paranoid was that Jake would want to be with guys when we were together.
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Jake was a handsome guy, which meant he could have had his pick of women and gay guys. When I confessed my fears to him, he was pretty open.
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He said he was massively into me and that he would never cheat. If our relationship ever got to the stage that we wanted to open it, then it could be negotiated, or not. He said it would be a mutual decision.
It was weirdly reassuring that a guy was being honest to me about his desires, as my previous straight partner was a massive cheater. I mean, he was horrendous. Almost every same-sex couple I know has a more feminine and a more masculine counterpart to whatever degree. Personally, I have attractions that are all over the place and I can be intrigued or turned on by so many different types of dudes.
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Masculinity or femininity has never mattered to me. And there are plenty of gay-identifying men and guys who want to unabashedly date dudes who are into more fem dudes.
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And I need you to be an obvious guy. What exactly is fem and what is masc remains a constant debate. And what is too fem? These things seems to change from individual to individual and be more about personal preference and perception.
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I think everyone, regardless of their gender, sexuality, age, etc will have some behaviours, actions that are interpreted as Masculine or Feminine. Some will have a lot more one way or the other, but there is generally at least a bit of both.
This is also culture, region, even individual specific as what is seen as masculine by some is seen as feminine by others. I change the oil on the cars, mow the lawns, but also do the laundry and am more open with my emotions. He does lots of handy man stuff around the home but also loves cooking and is artistic. At the end of the day, being authentic to who you are, whether that means being an extremely effeminate, make up wearing, vogueing queen, a big strong power lifting dude bro or anywhere in between is the most important thing.
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No one can really dictate who that type of person is for an individual or how someone should generally behave. Just let people like what they like and stop bitching already. I think one of the issues is that it appears that many though of course not all of these masc4masc guys resent effeminate men.
Good lord. This is not a thing. There are plenty who will want you as you are.